Q) How Can I Fake 8 Hours Sleep When I Only Had 2 . . .

. . . And kissed Derek from accounts. OK, re Derek, denial is your best friend. Re faking sleep, Nigel Stanislaus is your best friend. He's Maybelline New York's Makeup Artist and regularly attends to Nat Bass, Sophie Monk and the original Supers Linda Evangelista and Cindy Crawford. Yeh uh. He's super smart about these things so imma just hand you over to him:

Drink LOTS of water (a given; but if you were that smart, why didn't you drink more H2O last night and avoid Derek, ey?)

Moisturise well (if you think you're dying, imagine how your poor skin feels. It's parched. Bring it back to life with Clinique Moisture Surge™ Extended Thirst Relief, which, at $75, is a small price to pay for happy skin.)

Use anti-redness eyedrops.

Makeup-wise, make sure you're using a light formula concealer, like Maybelline NY Mineral Power Liquid Concealer ($15.45) around the eyes and side of the nose; illuminator and fresh-coloured blush should be standard hangover practice given you'll look like you've been hanging with Hades for 100 years without them. And plenty of mascara (a tip: Maybelline New York Lash Stiletto, $19.50, is like stilts for your lashes. Insane) but NO eyeliner.