How Getting Dumped Eventually Led to My Success as a Plus-Size Influencer

Soy Demasiado, a special issue for Juntos, celebrates Latinas who are reclaiming what it means to be “too much.” Read the stories here.

I never expected that being dumped by my boyfriend for being fat would be the catalyst that would allow me to finally embrace my body.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been given the message that my body had to be “fixed.” I was always a fat kid, and as I grew older, I was told that my fat was not distributed in the right places. My stomach should be flat, but my butt and breasts should be big and plump – without cellulite or stretch marks. The adults around me told me I would never be successful in my work life or be able to find someone who would love me for how I looked.

I learned that no matter my other goals, my life’s mission had to be to lose weight. This drove me to believe that I didn’t deserve a good life until I was skinny. So, I tried my best to make myself invisible – I wore oversized hoodies that hid my body, sat against walls in classrooms to avoid showing my back, wore thick cardigans in the summer to hide my arms, avoided dating as a teen, and skipped out on prom. I was deeply afraid that rejection would confirm everything I was told was true.

It wasn’t until I was in college and discovered fashion blogs that I became tired of being a side character in my own life. I was tired of watching others reach milestones as life passed me by. Fashion blogs were in their heyday, and they inspired me to experiment. I was going to school for journalism and secretly dreamed about being the fat Carrie Bradshaw. But I was too embarrassed to even admit it to myself. Would people laugh at the idea of a fat woman wanting to be in fashion? It isn’t a world people my size get to be a part of, so I buried it in the back of my mind.

The more I experimented with fashion, though, the braver I felt. I began to date – allowing myself to be seen for the first time. I was surprised to find so many men were attracted to me. I went on many first dates, and then I met David in my multimedia class.

David was a short, Dominican smooth talker, and I was a 20-year-old not-yet-bloomed lesbian with no dating experience. I got caught up in his natural charisma. For the next three months, we saw each other between classes and almost every night.

He inundated me with compliments that reversed the damage caused by the constant criticism I received growing up. We spent hours on the phone, and one night, he had me talk to his mother and sister. I felt welcomed and loved, and thought he truly cared for me and liked how I looked.

As we grew closer, I felt comfortable with David, and for the first time, I was ready to say that I wanted to be a fashion blogger. He was driving me home when we reached a red light. I told him my plans, and he replied that I should consider a more serious goal.

Days later, David texted me and said he wanted to break up. He found it “weird” that I wasn’t actively trying to lose weight. My heart dropped, and I could feel heat crawl from my chest to my face as I read that text. I blamed myself for believing I could be fat and loved. My biggest fears had come true, and I suddenly began to think that everything I was told growing up was true. I felt embarrassed and reverted from anger to hopelessness.

He apologized immediately, but I was too hurt and humiliated to reply to his calls or texts. My pride wouldn’t allow him to see me defeated or embarrassed. I pretended to be comfortable in my body and continued to work on my fashion style. I pretended to be happy and confident, and soon, I started to believe it. His calls and texts stopped.

A week later, a friend called me and told me David’s mother had passed away while getting liposuction. I dropped my pride and called him immediately. His cries and screams as he yelled for his mother haunt me to this day. I sat on the bathroom floor in tears.

In between cries, David begged me never to let anyone tell me what to do with my body. My heart broke for him, and I hung up the phone. His apology was the closure I needed to move on. I began to see my body differently, and learned I wanted to be the role model I needed when I was younger.

I started a blog, tinyredshoes.com, and consistently posted on social media, which resulted in being hired as a body-positive fashion reporter. I became the face of the site and taught millions of men and women to see themselves beyond their bodies. The success of the content I created online led me to work with huge name brands I could only dream of working with when I was younger.

Years later, David found my Instagram and saw everything I accomplished, and left a comment: “Oh, wow. Congratulations.”

Seeing the comment felt like a full-circle moment – it was the quiet confirmation that I’d built a life I could be proud of, one he might not have imagined for me but one I always deserved.

I went from flinching at my reflection to making a career out of my biggest “flaw” – my body. Sharing my life as a fearless fat person has helped cultivate a strong community of men and women who are fighting patriarchal European beauty standards rooted in racism. The community has inspired the creation of brands that dress us, and has forced brands that excluded fat people to extend their sizing.

Even after 14 years of making the active decision to not hate my body, I have realized that this will be an ongoing battle. Sometimes, the idea of hating my body feels like a faraway memory, and others like an inescapable reality. I’ve learned that the most important thing in this ongoing battle is to have a strong community and be patient with yourself. Fatphobia is ingrained in our society, and learning to make peace with your body is the only way to combat it.

I grew up thinking everything about my body was wrong, and now I am the role model I needed when I was younger. The role model that lets other people know that you are more than just your body, even when the world is screaming it to your face.

Jessica Torres is a writer, body-positive advocate, and social media influencer dedicated to challenging beauty standards. Previously, she worked as a writer, producer, and on-camera talent for Revelist, which nominated her for a best beauty and style vertical award. Jessica has been featured in Seventeen, Teen Vogue, Nylon, Elle, and more.