A Slightly Thirsty Ranking of the Men in Video Games, From Dad to Daddy
If you search for the “best dads in video games” you’ll see pages and pages of rankings for the likes of Kratos from God of War: Ragnarok and Joel from The Last of Us. That’s not what we’re here to do today. Today we’re here to rank, and share an appreciation for, those men with the dummy thick pecs and dump truck biceps who you can’t help but look at and think “oof.”
What Is a Daddy?
Urban Dictionary has a few definitions for daddy, but the general consensus can be boiled down into three definitive points:
- A daddy is an older man
- A daddy is sexy
- A daddy is dominant
Therefore we’ll be focusing exclusively on sexy older men who exude big main character energy in their respective video game. They don’t have to necessarily be fathers to be called a daddy, but a lot of them are, either by blood or in spirit.
Here’s how all the video game daddies stack up:
6. Joel (The Last of Us Part 1 and Part 2)
The Last of Us literally begins with Joel watching TV on the couch with his daughter Sarah, and the rest of the game is essentially him and Ellie going on a cross-country road trip and learning to love one another.
Joel is a man of few words, and when he does speak he’s gruff and often hostile. Demanding that Ellie do exactly what he says gets him big daddy points, but compared to the rest of this list, he has more big dad energy than daddy energy.
5. Daud (Dishonored)
While Corvo is the main father figure in the Dishonored games, we simply have to acknowledge that the master assassin Daud is the biggest in-universe daddy, especially in the Death of the Outsider DLC. He even trumps The Outsider, the shadowy god-like being who gives supernatural powers to people he deems “interesting”.
Also known as “The Knife of Dunwall,” Daud is a father figure to his assassins, a rag-tag group of street kids and refugees who he takes in, gives a home and trains. He also checks the “sexy older man” box, and we know he’s dominant because he runs the most notorious, cut-throat gang in all of Dunwall.
4. Hugo (Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator)
Dream Daddy, a dating simulator where you date a neighbourhood full of dads, seems like a home run for this article, but for brevity’s sake we’re going to find the most daddy of the dads. Craig is too young to be a daddy; Mat is a hipster and a barista, a combo which rules him out; Damien definitely leans into the older man criteria with his love of vampires and the Victorian era, but the rest of his personality doesn’t quite fit.
The only daddy who fits our criteria is Hugo, the super hot mustachio’d teacher who somehow makes a bowtie look sexy. Plus there’s the fact that wrestling is Hugo’s guilty pleasure — I hope I don’t have to explain why this gives him strong daddy vibes.
3. Hades (Hades)
Hades is famous for making every character drop dead gorgeous and downright horny, and the titular Hades is no exception. The dummy thick god of the Underworld is twice the size of every other god and mortal around him — in height and width — and is the game’s gruelling final boss fight.
Although Zeus, Poseidon and Achilles give Hades a run for his money in this list, the dummy thick god of the Underworld wins thanks to his sheer size and his authority over the realm of the dead. Hades is used to getting what he wants and prone to thunderous outbursts when things don’t go his way, but underneath his prickly exterior is a man who wants to be a better husband and father.
2. Geralt (The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt)
Technically, Geralt is Ciri’s adoptive father in all three Witcher games, but since he only regains those memories at the end of the second game, we’re just going to start there.
Geralt’s biggest goal in The Witcher 3 is to reconnect with his estranged daughter Ciri and his ex-girlfriend Yennefer. Depending on how long it takes you to complete the game, he spends the next 50-100 hours fighting, drinking, fucking and bathing his way across the Continent, all in the name of reuniting his family. He’s also 98 years old and still looks like he’s in his mid-30s. Credit where credit is due, Geralt is daddy AF. He’s also played by Henry Cavill (soon to be Liam Hemsworth) in the Netflix show, which secures his place as runner up on this list.
1. Kratos (God of War (2018) and God of War: Ragnarok)
Yes, I know Kratos had a family who died tragically in the original three games, but I believe he only became a daddy in the 2018 reboot. Now father to the sickly but strong-willed Atreus, Kratos spends the game growling, grunting and barking orders at the people around him in his tireless and slightly misguided efforts to keep them safe.
The Greek god of war, Kratos is also built like a brick house, which catapults him to the top position on this list.
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