How to Approach Dating Queer Babes You’re Crushin’ On
According to Hinge’s 2023 LGBTQIA+ Dating Report, 50 per cent of queer, bisexual, trans, and non-binary daters have never had a queer dating experience because they’re not sure how to approach a romantic interest.
As a bisexual woman figuring her sh*t out in the dating world, I’ve never felt more seen by a stat.
Honestly, a lot of the time I don’t feel equipped to know how to date other queer babes. I feel so out of depth when it comes to approaching them in public, on a dating app or even if we’re already in a conversation in group setting.
After a few years — an very much still on the journey — of perfecting the art of being comfortable with queer crushes, plus some help from some experts below: here are five super useful things to keep in mind when approaching dates with queer babes you’re crushin’ on.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Them
You might be super into someone who seems extremely comfortable with their queerness and that might intimidate you. Don’t worry, you’re not alone.
But Ericka Hart, M.Ed., sex educator, racial/social/gender/justice educator, writer, and model (she/they), says that it’s best to get to know people based on who they are.
“Try not to compare what you haven’t done to what they may have. You don’t need to be shy, or hide where you are in your journey—where you are is perfect and should never be judged by anyone, including you!”
Conversation > Physical Intimacy
If you’re at the start of your queer dating journey, the physical intimacy factor can be a little intimidating and overwhelming.
But that’s okay! The good news, is that according to Hinge’s 2023 LGBTQIA+ Dating Report, 89 percent of LGBTQIA+ Hinge daters said a date was successful if they had good conversation.
A deeper connection on the first date can signal lasting success for LGBTQIA+ daters says the report. According to Hinge’s research,you can increase the chances of going on a second date if your first date focuses on good conversation more than physical intimacy.
So, what do daters want to talk about most? Intentions. Because in a world full of uncertainty, the last thing you need is confusion about your relationships.
Establishing positive communication habits is another huge green flag for queer daters on the first date. You may even want to discuss how frequently you want to hear from a partner. If you’ve struggled to turn your first dates into second ones, the report suggests you avoid the small talk and start an honest conversation about both of your relationship expectations instead
Get Comfortable With Where You’re At
Almost a quarter — 21 percent — of bisexual Hinge daters have never had a queer dating experience because they haven’t come out to family or friends.
But according to Tara Raani, writer, actor, and filmmaker (she/they/he), you don’t have to be out to approach someone you’re into.
“Dating if you’re not out is totally okay! Just make sure to communicate to your partner(s)what your feelings are around coming out and the boundaries you have with different people in your life.”
We’re all on our own journey when it comes to coming out and openly identifying with a sexuality that feels right for you. For some, labelling their sexuality might never feel right — and that’s okay, too.
As long as you remain open and communicate with others, you have nothing to be afraid of.
Location, Location, Location
LGBTQIA+ people aren’t always celebrated and affirmed in public spaces and “bad energy” can throw off a connection, says Hinge’s Love and Connection Expert, Moe Ari Brown (he/they).
“Checking in with one another about where you feel safe and celebrated can help you create a first date that leaves you both feeling relaxed.”
You might start the conversation like this:
Hey [insert name], I would love to go on a date with you soon. What places do you enjoy going to? I want to find somewhere positive and fun for both of us!
Pre-Date Follow Up
According to Brown (they/he), once you’ve agreed to meet up, it’s essential to pick a concrete location, date, and time. This is for you, just as much as it is for them. You’re putting your best foot forward with communication, as well as showing your commitment to your date — as well as to yourself.
Brown suggests that on the day of the date or the night before, you could send a text saying:
Hey, [insert name], I’m looking forward to seeing you at [time of date]
If you’re receiving this kind of text, you could reply by saying:
I look forward to seeing you too!
That way, they know you received their text and to confirm that you still plan on attending. Commitment and communication are hot qualities.