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- Lucy Neville: Thousands of Women Tell Me Their Secrets Weekly, Here’s What I’ve Learned
Lucy Neville: Thousands of Women Tell Me Their Secrets Weekly, Here’s What I’ve Learned
by
Lucy Neville
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POPSUGAR is dedicated to heroing the voices of women, people who identify as women, and non-binary people who are powering a brighter future and making an important difference through their work. People who are truly, ‘unstoppable’. For our latest Unstoppable series, we’re profiling the ‘Class of 2023’ — the women who are driving towards a better future. We’re focusing on women across a range of industries, including beauty, sustainability, fashion, public policy and more. You can find all the pieces here.
When I hear the word ‘unstoppable’, immediately my mind goes to the people that climb the tallest mountains, the people that break world records — superheroes, really. However, two years ago I became somewhat of an Agony Aunt to thousands of women, and I’ve learned that it’s pulling ourselves to the top of our own seemingly small, everyday mountains that truly makes us unstoppable.
On Monday nights, I host a segment on my Instagram called ‘Let It Out’. It’s precisely that. A judgement-free, anonymous space to exhale, unload, and enlist the advice and support of thousands of other people who have agreed to the conditions of being a part of my community.
It started when we were in lockdown, and I need not explain to anyone that it was a difficult time for all of us. I was in my tiny studio apartment and my DMs were overflowing with messages from women so generously sharing their troubles and triumphs with me, and I decided to make it official.
The first ‘Let It Out’ received 20 submissions at most, and I couldn’t believe the trust these women had in me — a trust I take very seriously. Yes, I keep everyone anonymous when I share their secrets to my profile, but in the back end of Instagram I can see who the message has come from (it’s better that way really, for safety). One woman told me about a pregnancy that no one knew about, no one other than me, and she was faced with a decision she wasn’t ready to make. Another told me about the affair that, on the surface, appears to have fixed her marriage. Another told me about the recent diagnosis that had rocked her world, and another about the all-consuming relief she felt after finally resigning from her toxic job. I shared the confessions to my Instagram story and Let It Out became the foundation of this incredible community of ‘besties’.
Two years on, and every single Monday I receive hundreds of contributions. Each week I choose 20 to share: women celebrating that they left their toxic relationships, and women who are longing to do the same. Women with crushes on their bosses, their best friends, their best friend’s boyfriends, and their boyfriend’s best friends. Women who have been ghosted, yet again, by someone they invested time and energy into. Women whose marriages ended out of nowhere. Women who are finishing school with no idea what to do next. Women who hate their jobs, who love their jobs, who just got promoted, or fired. Women who are heartbroken that they didn’t get asked to be a bridesmaid, women who wish they said no when they were asked, and brides who wish they could take the offer back. Women cheating and being cheated on, women lying and being lied to. Women falling in love for the first time with another woman, or man, or person, or with themselves. Sometimes I even notice women on both sides of the story submitting their truths independently.
I often get asked why these women trust me. And quite simply, I think it’s easier to tell your deepest, darkest secrets to a stranger on the internet who knows nothing about you. Most of the time it’s the first time these women have put their feelings down in writing, and I have received countless messages that their Let It Out submission was the catalyst for changing their lives. Because once you say something out loud, it can’t be unsaid.
As the weeks went on, I quickly realised that while I existed in my own world with my own unique challenges, every single person is facing the same reality — just different mountains.
Maybe your boyfriend left you unexpectedly but you still have that important presentation at work tomorrow. Perhaps you’ve got an appointment for an abortion on Wednesday, but on Friday, don’t forget that it’s your sister’s birthday. Your parents are getting older and you’re trying to decide if you should start a family, or should you put your eggs on ice and see the world. Maybe you just got made redundant and you have to find a way to pay your bills next Thursday.
Somehow, someway, we all just keep moving and we rarely ever stop and take a moment to acknowledge the significance of what’s actually going on in our lives. So I encourage you to Let It Out. It doesn’t have to be with me, although you’re more than welcome to join us, but give yourself the credit you deserve for just how far you’ve come, against all odds. All of the 16,000 women who follow me are climbing their own mountains and while we may not break any records — life keeps on moving. I know for sure that these women, all women, are truly unstoppable.
You can follow Lucy Neville on Instagram.
