Melissa Mason: “Breakups Are Messy… And Messiness Is Fine”
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Over the past couple of weeks, the host of POPSUGAR’s Love Rants podcast, Melissa Mason, has been speaking with content creators, authors, journalists, and even therapists about the ins and outs of love, sex, and dating. Throughout the podcast, we’ve listened to Mel speak with guests about micro weddings, being conditioned to feel unhappy alone, and, even about how Instagram is changing what it means to have a friend.
But, on the newest episode of Love Rants, Mel is going solo and answering questions from you: the fans! She’ll still be speaking to different guests throughout the season, but now she’s giving advice directly to those who want it. We asked you to send in questions for Mel to answer, and you absolutely delivered. Spreading over a wide range of topics, including relationship anxiety, going back to ex-partners, and even falling out of love in a relationship you feel you can’t leave.
Now, for context, Mel’s writing and content creation is often about her relationships. “I was single for about 10 years, and during that time, I was always writing about my dates and dating experiences,” she says.
“I also talked about that stuff online on my social media because I honestly wanted some advice from other people on the internet, but also because it makes us all feel a bit less alone when we’re discussing these things.”
Melissa Mason On Age Gaps In Relationships
As it so happens, Mel was able to directly relate to some of the questions you had about your own relationships. For example, Amy, 33, asked, “How do you deal with people’s opinions on the age gap in your relationship?”
“This is something I get a lot,” Mel says. She, 37, has been dating her partner Tom, 27, for two years now.
“Really, what it comes down to is that you’ve probably dated someone older than you on paper, and that should mean that they’re ready for kids, marriage, and settling down, but they turn out to be like a Peter Pan—totally not there, jumping all over the place. I don’t think age has a lot to do with it.
“You might find more guys in their 20s or like 10 years younger than you, whatever your age is, who are not at that place. But I also think you shouldn’t rule them out because of their age. So, I really encourage my single friends to widen their age preferences on dating apps because committing to dating somebody younger or older just opens up the pool to see more people that are out there. Sometimes you end up on the apps for ages, and you’re just like, ‘Oh my gosh, I feel like I’ve dated everybody in this area within this particular age bracket.’ So, why not just open it up? Why not go on a few dates with some younger guys or older people? I don’t think limiting yourself based on someone’s birth year really makes sense.”
Melissa Mason On Moving On From Exes
Chris, 22 from Melbourne, says “I can’t stop going back to my recent ex. Any tips for moving on?”
“I am a lover,” Mel responds, “I get so hung up on exes. I can have someone I dated for two months, and it can take me six months or more to get over them. And some of my most difficult-to-process past relationships were under four months long.”
But, Mel believes the answer to moving on isn’t so cut and dry as society would have us believe.
“I think breakups are messy. I think that messiness is fine. So I’ll give you tips on getting to a place where you don’t want to go back to them as much.
“First things first, date again. Get back on the apps, and go out with some people… Even just flirt with someone on an app, if you’re not comfortable meeting up with someone yet. It just helps so much to get your mojo back, to get your sexy energy back.”
“The second tip?” Mel continues, “Don’t go and get wasted. The nights that I would go out and drink to diminish my sadness just made me way more sad. And that’s when I would do dumb stuff like text exes and hook up with them. I’d always wake up and think, ‘Oh God, I’m back at stage one again’ and just feel crappy.”
Mel’s final tip for moving on from an ex is blunt and straightforward, but words to live by.
“Block them on social media. They won’t even notice.”
Listen to Melissa Mason’s Q&A episode of Love Rants in full below.
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