Julie Peterson at YourTango shares the signs that you and your partner are the perfect match.
The subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs you should look out for.
Life is short, or so the saying goes.
It's true, life can feel short if you're happy, healthy, pursuing your passions, and partnered with the right person. But if you happen to be in an unhappy relationship, or simply with the wrong person, life can feel quite long. With a true partner by your side, you can work through life's inevitable obstacles and storms. With an unsupportive or incompatible partner, these obstacles can seem insurmountable.
Do you think you've found the right person? Here are nine things to check to be sure you're right.
1. Do you trust each other?
Trust is the MOST IMPORTANT thing to consider when deciding if you have found the right partner. If you don't trust each other completely, you might as well walk away right now. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200.
It will never get easier than it is in the beginning of a relationship. You should both be honest with each other because you have mutual respect. If you find yourself worrying when they go out with their friends or calling to ask where they are, there is no trust there.
2. Do you have compatible lifestyles?
Are you a vegan and your partner is a meat eater, or vice versa? Do you love to hike every Sunday and your partner would rather stay in to watch movies? While neither of these lifestyles is inherently better than the other, having vastly different ideas of how to live your lives will ultimately spell trouble.
This isn't really a matter of learning how to split your Saturdays. This is a matter of core beliefs and values that are not aligned. You'll be much better off choosing a partner who shares your lifestyle.
3. Do you learn from each other?
Life is a massive journey — and that journey is a lot more interesting and enjoyable if you share it with someone who can teach you new things. You don't need to be with a professor for your partner to open your eyes to new ways of thinking or to teach you how to make a killer cheesecake. Couples who learn from one another have more to talk about and a more diverse life.
4. Do you have similar financial beliefs?
They say your economic and religious backgrounds are the two most important contributors to compatibility. If you are a saver and your partner is a spender (or vice versa), it's not necessarily a deal-breaker. In fact, it may be better to have two different views on money than to have two crazy spenders or two penny-pinchers; but you shouldn't be on opposite sides of the spectrum.
Make sure you can talk openly about money in a respectful way and that you can work together to save for the important things in life.
5. Do you laugh together?
You don't need to find a comedian, but a sense of humour can go a long way toward a happy relationship. If you're with the right person, they'll be able to cheer you up when you're having a crappy day, and they'll be able to let the little things go.
Couples who have been married for decades frequently cite a sense of humour as the secret ingredient to a happy marriage.
6. Do you want the same things?
Have you discussed your long-term goals? When you are with the right person, your goals will align. You will each lean into the other to create a shared vision for your future.
If you have some variations in your vision, that's OK. But if one of you is unwilling to bend on your dreams to compromise for the other, then that's a problem.
7. Is it easy?
So often, you hear songs or watch movies that glamorize the rocky beginning of a relationship. Maybe it's filled with drama and passion. It can be tempting to view this crazy drama as a sign that you're just so in love. But really, it's a sign that you should probably walk away.
If the beginning of a relationship is difficult, the rest of it will only be worse. The right person will make your life easier. You will enjoy your time together, you will talk openly, and you won't ever feel that "love/hate" dynamic.
8. Do you get along with each other's friends and families?
Your friends and family aren't going anywhere. How is the dynamic between your partner and your mom, or between them and your best friend? While it's OK for them to not be best friends, no good can come from your mom hating your significant other (or vice versa). Your friends and family have stood by your side for a long time. If your partner clashes with them, it's going to be a very rocky relationship.
The same is true of your relationship with their friends. If you think their best friend is the worst, it'll eventually cause a problem.
9. Do you love them exactly as they are?
People don't change. Or rather, they are capable of change, but only when they decide to change on their own terms.
If you love your girlfriend or boyfriend a lot but wish they were smarter, kinder, less chatty, more tidy, etc., then that dissatisfaction will only grow. This doesn't mean you have to love every single annoying habit, but it does mean you have to accept it and be able to live with it forever. Likewise, they should feel the same about your quirks and habits.
When you find the right person, everything else in your life will become easier. If you have problems at work, they'll walk you through them. If you want to make some big life changes, they'll support you. If you experience a tragedy, they will let you cry on their shoulder. The right partner makes the entire journey of life a lot less rocky. So, choose your partner wisely. It is easily the most important decision you will ever make.
Read more from Julie Peterson on her website.
This article was originally published at MeetMindful. Reprinted with permission from the author.
Check out more great stories from YourTango:
- If He Doesn't Have These 20 Qualities, He's NOT Your Soulmate
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