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Lola Berry Love and Dating Advice

Lola Berry: What Love Means to Me in 2018

To me, love has changed so much over the years. I've always thought it was about being "in love," you know? Loving someone and them loving you back. Because, let's face it, that feeling is pretty unreal. There are loads of fake and disconnected souls out there, so knowing you have someone who cares about you unconditionally is very special. They have your back and you have theirs — it's very special. But as I've grown up, I've noticed that if you want that real, epic, life-changing love, the unconditional type, the once-in-a-lifetime stuff, the stuff we dream about, you have to start the discovery from within. And it's way harder than you think. Most people don't love themselves — myself included. It's journey I'm on now.

I'm the girl who will go through a breakup and blame it all on myself. I'll think there's something wrong with me. That's I not pretty enough, skinny enough, nice enough, funny enough or smart enough. I go over questions in my mind: Do I travel too much? Am I too full on? Am I hard work or too high maintenance? At the end of the day, I've realised these are all just insecurities and that when someone's not kind to you, it's often a reflection of their junk, not mine.

In light of this self discovery, I want you to let go of your insecurities, too. Let go of blaming yourself and look at heartbreak as a great lesson. They say the heart is the one part of the body that strengthens the more it breaks. Be grateful for the lesson and then trust in your heart that good will come.

Remember, when you date someone you're bringing in a mirror of where you're at in your life. So if I'm dating someone and it doesn't feel right, I'll try to find the lesson in it asap, because often there's something in it that will challenge me to learn more about myself or highlight something that I need to work on. Addressing this helps me to grow and ultimately become a better version of myself.

You really have to love yourself before you can get that epic, magical love. I think that when we realise that the love we need is already within us, and anything else is an awesome bonus, then you're truly opening your heart.

One thing I've learnt about love, and also life, is that we get stuck in living in our minds. Our head is limited. Think about it. We can doubt ourselves, our self-worth, our goals, but if you forget that analytical brain and live from what feels good in your heart, and even your gut (your intuition), then you're trusting in your own essence, your own heart. If you follow your heart, that feeling won't let you down.

So what does love mean to me in 2018? Well, it means loving who I am, knowing who I am, and not giving a crap about what other people think of me. It's knowing my worth, it's believing in myself, it's seeing the beauty within my soul and it's knowing that when I live life with an open heart, absolutely anything is possible. That's how you walk into a room and light it up. And you know what? It's super rare. When you meet someone who lives with a real open heart, you can feel it — you just want to be around them. So let's do it: let's live with our hearts open. That's where the magic is.

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