If you're in a relationship that blossomed before Tinder changed the dating landscape, know that your single friends love you — they really do — but dating in 2017 isn't as simple as you think swiping right might seem. It's a world of a few highs and a lot of lows — just be thankful you're out of the weird game. But do you want to know what is funny? Being single and chatting about dating to friends in long term relationships. The confusion and bewilderment is hilarious as this actual POPSUGAR office chat explains.
Ashling: So I reinstalled Tinder . . .
Carina: Ha! Good luck to you!
Gen: WHAT. Ashling. Why?
Alex: 😱I thought you were done with it?
Ashling: *Cries* a friend convinced me after she met an AMAZING guy on it just recently. Eergh it hurts my soul but I figured I kind of don't really have anything to lose.
Alex: Well that's positive! LOL! I'm Tinder positive.
Ashling: . . . except maybe a biiiiit of dignity?
Carina: . . . and money/data. 💸
Alex: I have no personal experience, but it seems like people meet on there. Wait money? Data? What?
Carina: Yeah, the cost of going over your data limit.
Alex: Oh, does Tinder eat data bad?
Carina: So bad.
Alex: NO WAY!!
Phoebe: Noooo. Breaks your heart and eats your data? WHY?!
Gen: But . . . Ash. Remember why you deleted in the first place!
Ashling: Yes Gen! But this time I'm going in with a low-key approach with zero expectations.
Phoebe: Can I live vicariously through you? Haha.
Carina: Tinder has given me every stage of dating except the relationship part. It's a rort!
Phoebe: I'm not going to lie. As someone who has never used Tinder it does look a little fun . . . But yeah, the grass is always greener, right?
Gen: I would argue that you can't have zero expectations on Tinder. As soon as you swipe right (or is it left?) on someone, you'd have expectations. Surely?
Ashling: Right to like . . .➡😜
Carina: Phoebe we should swap lives. Gen, my expectation is that I'm going to meet a jerk. At what stage I uncover this trait is the surprise. 🤗
Ashling: . . . and up to Super Like! Ha, but who does that?
Carina: Yeah WHO Super Likes? That's just weird.
Phoebe: What is a super like?
Ashling: To show that you really like someone . . .
Alex: Is super-liking desperate?
Ashling: A bit desperate TBH.
Phoebe: But what happens if you do actually really like someone?
Alex: That's SWEET!
Gen: This conversation is moving too fast for me. So many Tinder terms. 😐
Gen: How do you avoid the jerks? Is there a secret?
Alex: Catch up Gen. Carina and Ashling how does Tinder make you feel — one word?
Carina: Only one word? But I have so many . . . Annoyed is up there.
Carina: People, especially guys, are liars!
Ashling: I'd like to say "hopeful" but . . .
Alex: What has been your overall experience? Like, are there just no hot guys? Are you stuck in chat relationships? Or do they just all want hook-ups?
Gen: Confused and annoyed? Why would you guys keep something like that in your lives?
Carina: Because #love Gen!
Gen: But how do you avoid getting played/jerked around?
Ashling: Because as much as it pisses me off, I still think it's a great way to meet people. And how often does going out to bars or whatever result in getting approached by a guy these days? Really.
Alex: I have no idea. Is that not a thing anymore? Said the married old person. Actually scratch the old bit, I'm not old. Just married.
Alex: I know one person who is married from Tinder . . . but that was when Tinder was fresh.
Phoebe: I'd like to know how you get from the Tinder talking part to the actual date part? And then at what point do you stop talking on Tinder and start texting or iMessaging or FB chatting or whatever? How soon is too soon to follow someone on Insta? Guys, I feel overwhelmed already.
Carina: Tinder chats are the worst! Moving it from Tinder to other forms of messaging is so hard. You don't want to seem desperate and suggest it but it needs to move off the app. There's nothing worse than Tinder alerts. NOTHING!
Ashling: I wish I'd been on there when it was all new and exciting, part of me feels I missed the boat on what Tinder was meant for.
Carina: ME TOO! IMO guys on Tinder are only interested in hook-ups. I'm yet to come across one that is seriously looking for a relo.
Alex: SRSLY? Not one?
Carina: Not one! People that have gone the distance were on it when it first launched. Smart people!
Ashling: Right!? Back then I was like: Online dating? Pffftttt.
Alex: Well, what's the next new thing? We need the new thing. Maybe Tinder should launch a new version, a I-really-want-to-be-in-a-relationship version?
Gen: I think it's called eHarmony you guys.
Alex: NO. IT'S NOT! My friend is on eHarmony and there is NOTHING, apparently.
Carina: But eHarmony is like a last resort!
Alex: That's exactly what she said Reens!
Carina: Oh God! I can't handle this information!
Ashling: I feel sick thinking about it.
Alex: She used to say, 'There's always eHarmony'. BUT THERE ISN'T!
Carina: Shit! I guess jerks have money too.
Alex: Well, she's only been on it a few days. But, honestly. Her matches are so not right for her.
Carina: The problem with online dating is that it's too easy for people to lie.
Alex: I always thought they curated people for you, but she just gets floods of people who she'd never date.
Carina: There's no one checking that everyone is telling the truth.
Alex: Haha, Tinder Truth Teller. I'd take that job.
Gen: Hahaha what about Married at First Sight?!
Ashling: Never Gen!!!!
Carina: Gen! Are you saying Married at First Sight is our next option? I would never!
Ashling: Haha, although I did read a guy's bio the other day that was like, "Giving this one last shot before MAFS".
Gen: I know three couples who've met and married on eHarmony you guys. It happens! And it's not just a hook-up site, like Tinder.
Alex: How long ago though Gen? Maybe it's like Tinder, it's too late now?
Phoebe: I feel like Tinder is almost like the "gateway drug" to online dating. Which is probably why it's so attractive to younger people, because it doesn't feel so serious and legit.
Gen: Though, one of my best friends met her boyfriend on Tinder just over a year ago so . . .
Alex: How many guys do you meet IRL? From Tinder?
Ashling: Well, 1. No one talks . . .
Alex: Wait, what?
Ashling: And 2. If we do start chatting, I have to be quite confident he's not going to ghost me and be a little bit worth meeting up IRL with.
Carina: I wasn't on for very long but I think I actually met up with 3 people from Tinder. Talked to millions.
Alex: Hahah MILLIONS.
Carina: Despite the millions, never a d*ck pic.
Ashling: Neither. Thank goodness.
Alex: Well that's not enough! (meetings, not d*ck pics). You need to meet them IRL! I'd say no more than a week of chat before you meet, otherwise, what a waste of your time.
Phoebe: What's the weirdest thing a guy has sent you?
Carina: Welcome to the wonderful world of Tinder.
Ashling: I get stuff like: "Hey, want to listen to music and make-out?"
Alex: Is he 14?
Ashling: Haha yeah, my thoughts exactly.
Alex: That sounds like a 14-year-old. *sigh*.
Carina: Wait, I found more! I screenshotted these because I didn't want to forget the memories after I deleted the goddamn thing.
Carina: Also, check out this solid start . . .
Gen: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha oh my God!
Ashling: So original.
Carina: Just a few reasons why I had to delete. I can never go back to that.
Phoebe: Why are humans so weird when they talk online? Also, clearly that last one does not pay attention to detail . . . It's always a good start to spell someone's name right haha.
Ashling: Although guys it's tough, After being on Bumble I've realised how hard it is to make the first move.
Alex: Don't you just think you can do whatever on their though Ashy? You shouldn't be scared.
Ashling: But you want to say something a bit witty/impressive so they respond . . .
Carina: Guys don't respond and if they do they'll chat for a bit then stop for a few days then pick it back up again, it's so dumb. I am 100% convinced they are having a few beers with their mates and jumping on these apps for fun, with zero intention to take the matches anywhere.
Ashling: When they don't respond you're like: do I have no game?
Carina: It's sad.
Phoebe: It's hard having banter with someone you've never actually met. Things can be SO misinterpreted in text form. I'd probs come across a serial killer or something.
Carina: Haha! Me too! The journalist in me comes out and I start with a thousand questions. I just need to know everything. It's who I am.
Phoebe: What's wrong with just saying "Hello" and asking how their day was? Or is that really lame?
Ashling: Be thankful for your boyfriends ladies!
Gen: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh guyssssss! IT BRINGS YOU NO JOY. MARIE KONDO IT!
Gen: Haha, I am so thankful Ashy, I promise! But I also know there's no way in hell I could be on Tinder even if I was single. Do any guys have anything like "looking for a relationship" in their bios? Like, not quite as lame as that but anything to indicate they are serious?
Ashling: Some do, like, "Not here for a one night stand". But mostly you see, "Here for a good time not a long time".
Alex: That means "here for hook-ups", right?
Carina: Everyone who says they're "not here for a one night stand" is in fact "here for a one night stand". FACT!
Gen: GUYS. Let's start a serious dating app. We can call it . . . POPserious!
Carina: Can I meet with all the guys individually to assess whether they're a jerk or not? I have a very good jerk-dar. It's so good that I attract them. That could be our selling point. We meet with every potential date first.
Alex: That is a business right there! Sounds like a Kate Hudson film.
Carina: We could also end up with no guys on the app because nice guys don't exist, but we can cross that bridge when we come to it.
Gen: Hahahaha oh, Carinaaaa! Nice guys DO exist!!
Ashling: We just don't know where they're hiding.
Gen: Just so rarely on Tinder. They are like the dodo of Tinder. The Tassie Devil of Tinder.
Carina: I think a lot of the time, girls just aren't aware that's his sole purpose is to sex. I appreciate the guys who are upfront about it though, it makes it easier to say seeya!
Alex: Why do you need an app for sex though? Grossness.
Carina: I know!
Gen: It's not meant to be a sex app. ☹
Carina: They should make a separate app purely for one night stands, so the people ruining Tinder can go there instead.
Alex: We should make an app!
Ashling: Yeah instead of Tinder social . . .
Carina: Tinder SEXual?
Phoebe: I think as girls (women?) we're always in a tricky position. Sometimes you fancy someone, and want to go home with them, but then you are stuck in that awkward position of not knowing if you do that will they think you're not serious, or will it give off the wrong vibe, or stops things from turning into a serious relationship. It's such a tricky landscape to navigate.
Gen: If it's the right guy it won't matter how you behave, everything will just work out whether you sleep together or not.
Phoebe: Agree Gen! I hate when my girlfriends come to me and think it's their fault because they hooked up with a guy too early on.
Carina: Gen you are the truth speaker! 🙌
Ashling: This is why you're my counsellor Genevieve
Gen: This is why I don't like Tinder!! It's full of guys who want one thing only (not all of them, I know, but most) and then it leaves the girls feeling shit about themselves.
Carina: So Ashling . . . any matches?
Ashling: Yes, but radio silence . . .
Carina: Knew it. Jerks!
Ashling: Sometimes I think, why do I bother? But then it's like, better than nothing? At least it's another avenue I have for myself?
Gen: Carina, will you go back on?
Carina: I had to delete Tinder because of how shit it was making me feel but also because of how annoying the guys were, but I do sometimes wonder if I'm missing out on finding my person. Y'know?
Phoebe: Your person is probably also trying to find you! I think it's all about timing. The right person will come into your life when you need them. Obviously that doesn't mean you should hermit in your room and they'll come knocking on your window or something but I don't think you should force yourself to do something you don't want to just because of FOMO.
Carina: Haha, hermit!
Alex: I honestly think it's all about timing too. And I don't think there is really anything you can do to find The One. And then, when you do . . . you could break up. On average marriages only last 13 years and half of us get divorced. Not to get too dark.
Carina: Ha! Future is looking bright then. 😎
Phoebe: Agree! And this probably isn't very romantic of me, but I'm sure there is more than 1 person for everyone.
Alex: There so is.
Ashling: I read a NY Times article the other day that was like, we will all marry the wrong person. It's just what kind of wrong we are willing to put up with forever.
Alex: It's about finding a person, and the kind of relationship you want.
Gen: Just don't let yourself get treated badly! I say delete Tinder if it even for a second makes you feel crap or confused.
Alex: Yeah, get rid of it if it makes you feel sad, but I don't think it's something you should feel ashamed of using or embarrassed about — it's just a service. Like Uber. No one feels guilty about Uber, unless they're related to a cab driver. And if you are going to use it, take it with a grain of salt. And don't get invested until you're seeing them face-to-face, which should happen ASAP.
Phoebe: I vote keep it! But don't let it make you feel crap. 💪
Carina: Haha! Keep it Asho and I might download it again too. We can both be lied to together some more 😅
Ashling: Really Reens?!
Carina: Why not? What's another round of jerk interactions? y'know?
Alex: Thata girl!
Alex: I'm kidding, don't do it if it's going to make you sad face.
To be continued . . .