When he doesn't text back.
This could be a number of things, which isn't going to soothe your anxieties at all. So I apologise in advance for this.
- He's not that interested.
Some guys will very often chase girls they are only slightly interested in. You see a super keen guy who won't leave you alone. The reality: he really likes flirting, thinks you're kinda cute, and this is all just some stupid game that he has now 'won'.
Now it's on to the next one.
Seriously — there are men who think this way. I had a friend who was exactly like this. He was very good at convincing women to have sex with him. Once that part was over, it was over.
I'm sorry. Men are terrible. Some men. Most men.
OK, we're all terrible. Long live the age of Aquarius.
- The power has shifted
Power balances are super important. In the beginning you have all the power. You hold all the cards. After a short period of dating? The odds start to even a little.
In short: the man is probably playing games.
But they're largely harmless games. It's essentially like children wrestling on the playground. It's an attempt to establish some sort of dominance, or at least an attempt to gain some ground. He might feel as though you have too much power over him, so he's trying to subtle remind you that this isn't one way traffic.
I have done this. I still do this and I have been married for seven years! Let's face facts: no one wants to be a doormat and no one wants to be with a doormat.
We've all been in that situation. The partner that moves too quickly. The partner who won't stop calling. Consider this: which would you prefer? The guy that plays it cool or the guy who won't leave you alone? Establishing that type of 'strength' is honestly important.
It's macho bullshit, but women have bought into it as much as men!
Goddammit, I'm just as bored as you are. Let's end this madness! Down with the patriarchy!
- He forgot.
He literally just forgot.
When he doesn't want a serious relationship right now.
He wants out. He just wants out.
This is his equivalent of the "let's just be friends" talk. He's trying to let you down gently. He's tried this thing for a while and just doesn't see it working out. It happens. Sorry.
When you haven't had The Talk after two months.
You have to be evaluating here. This is a context thing. Is he only calling you when he's drunk? Are you snuggling up on the couch watching Netflix? What is this relationship really like? What's it really about? Is it about sex or companionship? What's the go?
I think if you ask yourself those questions honestly, you'll have your answer.
It could be a power thing. You sacrifice a little bit of that power when you say it first. That's a hard fact. It's also a risk. Is he a risk taker? Is he conservative with how he talks about his emotions? Some guys are.
This is honestly a tough question. There's no simple answer.
When he seemed really keen at the start and then cooled off.
Passion cools. That's just a proven fact. That's just science! Has it been replaced with a different type of love? Maybe it hasn't. Maybe he's one of those terrible men I wrote about before. Maybe he's looking for a way out? Maybe he's just trying to play it cool.
Man this is a tricky one and one you can overthink. Clear communication is best. No one wants to waste time. Ask him directly, not in an intense way, in a matter-of-fact way. That would probably be best for the both of you.
When he makes big promises/plans for the future (and then drops off the face of the earth).
Does this actually happen? They could be messing with you. Could have been lying in the first place, but I doubt it. Men who are good at "smooth-talking" women rarely talk about "future plans".
It's more likely you are with a person who gets excited about relationships in the short term and doesn't know how to handle the situation when the passion fades. It could be that there is simply not a real, genuine connection there. Once the initial heat fizzled out he realised you guys probably weren't right for each other.
Either way, it's probably good to be rid of that type of personality, particularly if you're looking for a long-term partner. This is not the guy.