Zoe Marshall is the co-hosts Nova's Meet the Marshalls with her husband Benji, and is POPSUGAR Australia's resident sex explorer.
How I miss those new sex days. Those were the days when you used to calm your nerves on a dinner date with wine because tonight might be the night.
When wearing matching underwear mattered, as did making sure you were shaved (all over), smelt good and had just brushed your teeth.
It was so exciting: the anticipation of what their body would feel like, what the chemistry would be like . . . So many unknowns! I think that's what was sexy. The unfamiliar territory.
The territory I deal with is so familiar. I miss the unknown, but I do love the familiarity. I love the feel and the smell, and the chemistry is always there. Plus, there's way more freedom to be vocal about what you do and don't want when you're with someone you know and love. Intimacy deepens and the sex is really good when you're connected with someone like that.
The problem is when you've been having sex for over eight years and you throw "trying for a baby" into the mix. It can make for taxing times. There's something about having sex because you have to that makes it not so sexy.
So I've had to become creative. I've had to find new ways to keep it hot. Ways I'm going to share with you! Below are my tips on making baby-making sexy.
Mix It Up
A killer for the libido is monotony. If you're both in bed in your comfy PJs and one of you "throws a leg over," there's zero effort — and there's nothing sexy about that. It actually makes me feel repulsed. Maybe if you have sex once every couple months it might work, but I'm having sex every second day at the moment — every day if I'm ovulating.
Don't Mention the O Word
Nothing brings on a softie quicker than the pressure to get a stiffy because it's ovulation day. The whole 'ovulating and trying to hit a target to get a prize' is a mind f*ck for even the most masculine male.
Music Is Key
Spend time on this. Make a playlist. Spotify can help. They have '90s R&B playlists ready to go. I have one I've created and named "Sex." It's currently only seven songs long, which reminds me — I have to add to it.
You don't just have to pick love songs, either. Pick songs that make you feel sexy, dirty, and naughty. Music creates an incredible atmosphere. Use it.
Lighting Is Also Key
Lighting sets the mood. Candles are sexy, full lights can be abrasive or make you feel naughty (depending on your vibe) and the classic lights-off with the right music can take you on a wild fantasy.
Make Sure You Both Orgasm
We are way more inclined to turn up to the party if we know we're going to experience the big bang. I know as women we can feel secondary at times when it comes to orgasms. If you're having sex to make a baby, technically only he needs to cum — but it's important you're getting a return on your investment. I promise, even on the days I have to work myself up to feel sexy, once I get to orgasm I feel so much more connected and it's so much better than I anticipated.
You've been together for a long time so shaving, brushing your teeth and smelling good doesn't seem like a must, right? Wrong. You need to smell good, look good, feel good and taste good. Sex is sensory, so make an effort. It will take two minutes and you'll feel more confident for it.
The next step to feeling sexy is to do you. Grooming will help, but maybe you feel sexiest in lingerie or make up or high heels. Maybe you're like me and you feel sexiest with nothing on — no makeup, no clothes, nothing. Do what makes you feel confident. If you don't know what you like, try a few things out. Variety is super sexy.
So underrated yet so sexy, nothing gets me going more than making out. Think of how often you have sex and don't kiss. Crazy, right? Start with kissing. Just kissing. Take it back to high school. Maybe throw in some dry humping (remember that?), and you will be ready to rumble in no time.
This is fun. Some women think their man will feel like he's lacking if you bring a toy into the mix. Here's a hot tip: opt for a small clitoral stimulator, or something similar, that he can use on you if he prefers. It will definitely add a new dynamic and it's easy to keep aside for your solo time if he ends up wanting to do it the manual way.
Massage Each Other
Nothing is sexier than having a full body massage naked. We generally save this for holidays or the day before the sheets get washed as the oil goes everywhere, but load up on towels and create your very own adult massage parlour. Super sexy.
I don't love sex last thing at night. It's so clichéd. I love morning, noon, afternoon sex. Granted we all work so this is only possible weekends (Sundays are the best) but if you can have a cheeky shag before dinner — why not?!