A few minutes after I was wheeled into the recovery room after my second C-section, which was followed by the tubal ligation I had adamantly requested, my husband asked me how I was feeling. "Fantastic," I replied, obviously still under the influence of some heavy drugs. "I just had a beautiful, perfect son, and I'm now infertile. I couldn't be happier." Nine months later, I spend most of my days with my spirited (aka crazy) 3-year-old daughter and my sweet, nap-averse baby, and my sentiments about my tubal ligation are even more passionate. Besides having my kids, it's the best thing I ever did with my reproductive organs. Why, you might ask, do I love being closed for the baby business so much?
- I pretty much hate being pregnant. I'm aware that some women love pregnancy; I'm just not one of them. I'm firmly in the camp of thinking every single baby-carrying moment is torture, and the additional 45 pounds, high blood pressure, and constant nausea I experienced during both of my pregnancies certainly didn't add to the fun. Yes, of course it was worth it for my kids, but I am beyond glad that I never have to do it again.
- I always have the perfect answer when people ask me if I'm having more. As most mums know, about 15 minutes after you give birth, people start asking when you're planning on having your next one. Once I tell people about my tubal ligation and give them the universal "snip, snip" hand signal, the conversation is similarly shut down.
- To me, good birth control equals permanent birth control. Before I had my kids, I tried pretty much every kind of birth control. The pill gave me some scary side effects, and as a happily married woman, condoms felt a little ridiculous. So I asked my then-doctor for a diaphragm. When she yelled down the hall to the nurse, "Dust off the diaphragm measuring kit," I should have known it wasn't going to be my saving grace. After using it once, it was stashed in the back of my medicine cabinet, where it's remained ever since. So when given the chance to never have to worry about birth control again, I jumped for it.
- Ten minutes to a more infertile me. Since my second C-Section was planned, I had plenty of time to contemplate and commit to a tubal ligation with my husband, who was similarly all-in (I'm sure escaping the possibility of a vasectomy added to his enthusiasm). To me, the procedure felt like an easy, awesome add-on to my delivery. I met my gorgeous son, my husband took him into the recovery room, and I spent an additional 10 or so minutes in the O.R. while my doctor rendered my fallopian tubes useless (tubal ligation is about 99.5 percent effective). He joked after the procedure that he had followed my request and only "tied one tube" (note to self: in the future, find doctors who don't fancy themselves comedians), but he must have done something right. My surgery recovery time was incredibly fast, and I've had zero complications.
- Carefree sex. My post-two-kids sex life hasn't exactly been rocking (hello, pelvic floor distress), but when I do get my groove back, I'll be ready. And I will get my groove back eventually, right?