I’m going to set my house on fire.
Update: Here's how the saga ends http://jessicagottlieb.com/2018/01/whatever-happened-broccoli-rat/
Posted by Jessica Wilzig Gottlieb on Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Jessica Gottlieb got a lot more than she bargained for when the family cat, Broccoli, came waltzing into their house with an unsightly present: a giant rat. Oh, and the kicker? It was still alive. Fortunately, Jessica caught the entire saga on film and posted it to Facebook. And, boy, is it hilarious.
It all starts when Broccoli comes strolling in from his afternoon hunt with a science-fiction-level long tail hanging out of his mouth. Despite begging Broccoli to stay put, he decided to run upstairs with his new friend (because cats), and we can hear the sheer terror in her voice.
After begging her kids to help her wrangle the cat to no avail, Jessica bolted up the stairs to learn the enormous rat's fate: despite being locked between Broccoli's teeth for god knows how long, he was still very much alive.
Cue the cringing.
But it gets better — because her reaction to her new discovery is nothing short of priceless: "OH MY GOD, THE RAT IS F*CKING ALIVE! OH MY GOD, THE CAT JUST LOST INTEREST IN IT, MOTHERF*CKER!"
As cat owners know, felines tend to do whatever they damn well please, so once Broccoli got bored, he decided to let his little vermin friend run free into the linen closet, and that's when the video cuts out.
If you were left wondering if their new pet ever made it out of the house, you're not alone.
Thankfully, Jessica gave all her viewers, in a follow-up blog post, an answer to a very important question: what the hell ever happened to the rat?! She explained that after 36 hours, they finally got the rat out of the house.
"We sealed off the bedroom door. My son slept in my daughter's bedroom and my daughter and I shared a bed the first night. We left Sparky in my son's room, hopeful that she'd kill the rat," she wrote. "When we awoke and there was no dead rat we decided to open the door and I ran to the hardware store for snap traps. 36 hours later there was still no dead rat. We were grossed out and dejected."
Thankfully, Jessica got a much-needed surprise after taking a break from rat-hunting to go play tennis: her little furry friend was hanging out in their trash bin going to town on some discarded leftovers.
Problem solved! Well, until Broccoli decides to bring his family another little surprise.