Laura Mazza of Mum on the Run constantly has us in tears over her hysterical stories, but her latest rambling about a mouse that appeared in her son's room is the funniest, most surprising thing we've read from her. Aside from the fact that Laura makes at least five references to fictional mice throughout her story, the tale (no pun intended) has a plot twist ending that, if it gets you as it did us, will have you laughing to yourself all day.
"Today I saw a mouse in my son's room. A mouse. Stewart Little has decided to come in my house and set up camp near my sons drawers . . . " Laura started, admitting she debated whether or not to share this story because people might think she's incapable of being an adult (but then realised they'd be totally right, so why the hell not?). "I saw it and I froze. And it was the kinda freeze that you feel like you shouldn't even breathe. Where your air escapes your lungs."
The mum continued her story, sharing that she screamed for her lurking daughter to get away from her brother's room, then decided to call her husband about the mouse (Jerry, if you will). Frozen in fear, she announced to her husband, "mouse in house," to which he responded hilariously: "cat in hat." She continued:
"No babe, there's a mouse in Luca's room! You need to come home NOW and take it outside!" "Oh Bub you just take it outside, or just kill it" "Kill it???" Obviously this guy hasn't seen the movie The Witches where the witch turns into a mouse after eating soup and gets stomped on by the chef and green pus sprays out.
"There are children in the house, your children. You need to come here. I can't save them." He laughs. He thinks I'm joking. This face isn't joking. This face is scared that this mouse is going to radio The Rescuers and call his other mice friends to come and have a pebble poo party orgy. NOT ON MY WATCH, MOUSE. Not on my watch. But of course he can't see my face because he's on the phone.
"Okay I'm being serious there's a mouse in the house and I'm FREAKING THE F OUT." I actually did swear but I'll try and be cool in the post. Pretty sure I called the mouse the C-word. "Where is it?" He asks. "In Luca's room." "Where?" "I dunno, I'll open the door." I open the door so slowly . . . inch by inch in snail speed, so slow that I can hear my husband asking if I'm still there. And it's there. In the same spot.
However, the mouse wasn't simply standing like a meerkat on its hind legs waiting for Laura to reenter the room — it was dead. After announcing the news to her husband, he gave her a pep talk to help her handle the rest of this dire situation on her own and said he had to go, so naturally, she hung up on him.
The hilarious mum took a few swigs of whiskey, pumped herself up in the mirror, bolted down the door, and "went charging in like a knight in shining armour with a piece of paper screaming like the warrior woman I am," when she realized . . . the mouse wasn't dead, because it wasn't an effing mouse.
It was a toy leopard.
"I nod to myself and say 'We shall never tell a soul about this,'" Laura wrote. "My husband got home four hours later and asked me how I went. I said 'Mate, I handled that sh*t.'"