As painful as it can be, postpartum depression is something that many new mums struggle with after giving birth, but this one mom's message is letting others know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. For Rachael Burow, she realized she was suffering a week after bringing her son, Isaiah, home from the hospital. The new mum shared her story on the Love What Matters Facebook page, where she detailed her emotional battle with feeling so weak, yet refusing to ask for help.
"Have you ever felt that dark sinking feeling? Like weights holding you down beneath water? Like your heart being ripped out of your chest? Like your stomach dropping? I felt all that and it changed me," she wrote. "It made me fall into depression so easily. Now that I have a tiny human to take care of, he is my first priority. I never really put the time into taking care of myself especially because I felt so gross about how I felt. I wanted to ignore it for as long as possible."
But after ignoring the signs for some time, Rachael knew that what she was experiencing was serious.
"When you start having some intense thoughts like wondering if your son is better off without you, or having some real trouble trying to find any self-worth, you realize there is an issue going on deep down," she explained. "I've dealt with depression and anxiety before, and I always seemed to push past it, but this time around postpartum was just too much for me."
As hard as it is to explain PPD to those who have never given birth or have been lucky enough to not suffer from it, it was — and still is — something that Rachael could not ignore. Although she felt guilty for not being able to enjoy the happy times with her newborn son, she's still struggling and wants to make one thing very clear: postpartum depression "doesn't make anyone more or less of a mother. It doesn't make anyone more or less of a human."
Rachael continued to explain that this is what motherhood is all about; it's about the highs and lows. That motherhood can be extremely difficult at times, but it's the most fulfilling job a woman could have, and that's what's getting her through this.
"I have my good days and I have my bad days," she wrote. "The good days are simply amazing. I have this perfect little human that always smiles and brings me so much joy and warmth. The bad days make me forget I ever had a good day. They come right when I finally have a sense of hope. I feel heavy and I feel helpless. I feel like crying and I feel like hiding. It's so complicated to explain to someone even more so if they didn't give birth and experience any postpartum depression and anxiety themselves."
She closed her candid note with some final words for anyone who's ever felt this way, and they're incredibly touching. "Everyday is a struggle and everyday I need to push to get better," she wrote. "I was blessed with my son and my son needs me. Your baby needs you too."