Since having my daughter almost six years ago, I've been lucky to have a lot of mum friends. Not only did about a dozen of my close friends from uni have their first children within a year of me, but I've been introduced to a whole new crop of girl buddies through my daughter (who knew kids made such great wingmen?!). The truth is, I think we all need a lot of mommy friends, because each friendship provides a different kind of support.
There's the friend I always call when I'm having the worst day ever because I know she gets it, won't judge me, and will tell me a funny story about how awful her own kids are being to make me feel better. There's the mum whose friendship has become even more precious because our husbands and children love each other as much as we do, making impromptu pizza nights easy and awesome. And there's the friend who radiates so much positivity about her family that it inspires me to cherish my own more — even on days when I'm ready to sell them all to the highest bidder (or really any bidder at all).
Unfortunately, not all my mum friendships have been as magical. There have also been ones that I invested time and energy into that just never clicked, ones where I felt a weird sense of unhealthy competitiveness, and ones where I realised that a premotherhood friend's crazy antics weren't that entertaining anymore. And those friends? Well, it was time to say see ya' later (or not).
If you have a friend who falls into one of the categories below, it's time to, at the least, reevaluate your friendship and, more likely, cut your relationship off.
This friend has something to say about everything you do, making subtle jabs or offering direct insults every time you see her. Her 1-year-old daughter's already speaking in complete sentences, but she's sure yours will just be fine, eventually, but if not, she has the number for a great speech therapist. She would never allow her kids to eat in the car, wear seasonally inappropriate clothing outside the house, or skip a day of school for a holiday, but "that's just her." While you know her perfect house, immaculately dressed children, and dreamy relationship with her spouse are probably half lies and half compensating for the deep sadness in her soul, you don't need that judge-y bullsh*t. Time to move on.
She's always up for a playdate (at your house), for a girl's night out (she called your favorite sitter first), and for signing up your kids for a class together (you'll register and pay for hers, right? She'll get you back, if she remembers this time), and you're getting sick of feeling like you're parenting your kids and hers, too. Let's call this mum the "taker" because your friendship is all about what she can get out of you. Next time she calls to ask if her kid can come over for a four-hour play date while she gets a massage, just say "no."
Life is busy, kids' schedules are crazy, and sh*t happens. We get it. But when you literally put a question mark by every plan you make with her, knowing that the odds of it actually happening are slim to none, what's the point? Mums have so little time to invest in friendships, and if this flake can't ever follow through, it's time to move your energy to a mum friend who will.