Every day she tags me in stuff on Facebook. Every day. Like several times a day. As if she bounces around the internet...
Whenever I'm scrolling my Facebook feed and I see an article, a post, or even a silly meme that gives me one of those "that's exactly what I've been saying!" feelings, I do one of two things: I'll either save it (at which point it goes to a place where I never look at it ever again) or I tag someone in it. And usually that person is my co-parent, my husband.
Call it passive-aggressive, but most of the posts I share are surely eye-roll-inducing. They're often links to some study that says "dads who help with grocery lists have a greater chance of having genius babies" or a funny (to me, at least) cartoon about the differences between male and female sleep patterns when there's a crying baby in the room. (Hint: the punchline is how men never hear a thing. Hilarious, right?)
I've always been pretty certain my husband hated this habit of mine, and it was all but confirmed when Brad Kearns, the dad blogger behind DaDMuM, wrote about that very thing in a Facebook post of his own that's gone viral.
"Every day she tags me in stuff on Facebook," the father of two wrote. "Every day. Like several times a day. As if she bounces around the internet just looking for random sh*t to let me know is out there. I used to find it annoying. I didn't really know why half of it was relevant."
At first, much like my husband, these tags would go ignored — sometimes read but rarely addressed or discussed. He wrote:
But over time I've learned that she tags me in sh*t because it's either funny, insightful, or relevant to us and our relationship. Sometimes it helps her tell me something because it's so relevant and she couldn't have said it better herself. I try to make a point of acknowledging it. It doesn't take any effort at all.
To be honest, it helps me gauge where she's at and what she's looking at online. Sometimes it forms the basis of our conversations when I get home. So often I come home to a "Did you see that thing I tagged you in?" As silly as it sounds it helps us communicate.
Meanwhile, Brad noticed that when his male counterparts were tagged, they'd respond with an "ain't reading that" or "too long" and nothing more.
"The conversation goes no further," he wrote. "Whatever message she was trying to send him was rejected because of sheer arrogance and inability to take a few f*cking seconds to read something that was probably important to how she was feeling."
Sure, it might be a bit much to expect a meaningful conversation in which both partners share their unique perspectives, but in the busy lives of parents, these tags are often quick forms of communicating important topics to one another. My husband quickly learned that, even though he wasn't much for Facebook, he'd make a point to check.
For those who haven't gotten the message, Brad has some advice:
Read the post. Just f*cking read it. If she tagged you in it, she wants you to look at it. If you were at the park and she said, "Hey look at that," would you ignore it? Would you make a snide remark about how much effort it will take you to see it? I think not.
Now, feel free to tag your co-parent.