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- The Bachelor Recap: Kisses and Pisses Told in 15 Tweets
The Bachelor Recap: Kisses and Pisses Told in 15 Tweets


It’s episode three, and it opens with ol’ boy Jimbo driving a boat as he reminisces about his childhood, when he did fairly normal activities such as “driving dingies after school”.
Yeah, only you and your privileged upbringing Jim. I used to ride a mountain bike around the street and came home with scabby knees.
Ah yes driving boats after school #TheBachelorAU keeping it super relatable
— mimi🦇 (@drmimip) July 28, 2021
Anyway, he has a date with Ash, which BTW, I don’t remember him asking her out or having any sort of interaction.
Ash is kind of just thrown at us and we’re expected to roll with it, but that’s okay because Ash is actually really sweet.
Ash is a dance teacher who works with kids and is overall an upstanding citizen. I didn’t actually know they featured those kinds of people on this show.
No one:
— PUNKEE (@itspunkee) July 28, 2021
Not a soul:
Ash:#TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/WwvU4Wb45H
Their date is on a secluded beach, away from prying eyes, as they dance and throw a frisbee at one another while Jimothy attempts to guess Ash’s age.
“It’s so secluded” #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/tyh9D5Yi8N
— Spiky Trap Podcasts (@SpikyTrap) July 28, 2021
Spoiler alert: She’s 34.
“Super easy to talk to” yet the best conversation so far was him guessing her age. Yep. “Great chemistry”. For sure.#TheBachelorAU
— So Dramatic! (@sodramaticpod) July 28, 2021
To be fair though, she has incredible skin. Pretty sure she still gets ID’d when buying plastic knives.
Moving on, Jimmy hands Ash a pair of binoculars and proceeds to give some weird speech about them “signifying not looking to the future anymore, and to live in the present”.
Ash looked at those binoculars like when your mum gives you a gift you don’t know what to do with #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/bHeoxbwTpU
— Raquel Gazzola (@raquelgazzola) July 28, 2021
Oooooooookay then.
She gets a rose and they make out.
Meanwhile, at the mansion, the women are wondering where the heck Ash is, as Brooke brags about being the first one to go on a single date with Jimmy.
No one:
— Lachlan Guertin (@LachlanGuertin) July 28, 2021
Brooke: Did you guys know that I had the first single date?#TheBachelorAU
Ash comes back with curly hair and apparently that’s everyone’s cue to tell her how pretty her straight her looked and how HORRIFYING she looks with her curly hair. Not in those exact terms but I like to add some spice to the commentary.
They ask her if she kissed Jimbo and she said she doesn’t “kiss and tell” — c’mon Ash, at this point Jimmy would kiss a trout if it was in front of him. There’s nothing to hide.
Sierah burns with jealousy which seems to be the norm every episode so I’ll spare you the details.
Fast forward and the girls all drive up to a lake to meet Jimmy and Osher, and the cameras show off Jimbo’s aeroplane tattoo.
I just … like… I get it you’re a pilot, but why would you get your profession tattooed on your back dude? That’s like me, a journo, getting a pencil tattooed on my shoulder.
Anyway, the women are required to dress up as superheroes and go flyboarding as Jimmy judges them from the sidelines.
Me emerging from 8 weeks of covid lockdown with a whole new assortment of mental health issues #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/zUYVKHmBlU
— Bachelor of Hearts Podcast 🌹 (@BOHpod) July 28, 2021
With all the women dressed as low-budget superheroes, Sierah comes forward and claims her superpower is “piss”.
Sierah: ‘My superpower is piss. Here are my droplets of piss’
— petty cragdale 💮 (@artpunkamor) July 28, 2021
Jimmy: #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/qf66N3rbh4
Yes, unfortunately, you heard that right. Sierah is once again talking openly about her bodily fluids.
She even went ahead and stuck “droplets of piss” on the front of her costume. I cannot make this up.
In the end, Carlie ends up winning the challenge and frolics off with Jimmy for their solo date.
Carly seems really sweet. And honest and upfront. I think we will see a genuine character in her this season! #thebachelorau
— 🤡Reality TV Talk #imacelebrityau (@BBAU_BANTER) July 28, 2021
Jimmy and Carlie have a chat, and I won’t lie, I reeeeeeeally like Carlie. It seemed the Jimster liked her too because he gave her a rose and kissed her straight after kissing Ash.
Weird but I don’t judge.
It’s cocktail party time, and the women come to a unanimous decision that they will not approach Jimmy, and instead, wait for him to approach one of them.
Jimmy decided Lily was the one he wanted to speak to, but five minutes into the conversation, Jay broke the pact and whisked him away to the business lounge.
Has a bachelor ever had a dad bod/gut asking for a friend #TheBachelorAU
— Daniel (@Wizardofftg92) July 28, 2021
Jay, who is a nutritionist, blindfolds Jimmy and makes him taste weird food as he guesses what she’s feeding him. Each time he gets it wrong, he has to remove an article of clothing.
Let’s just say … it was awkward.
At the rose ceremony, Osher walks in and says “good evening ladies” in his trademark I-smoke-a-pack-a-day voice.
osher: ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᵉᵛᵉⁿⁱⁿᵍ ˡᵃᵈⁱᵉˢ
— taryn (@thereafter) July 28, 2021
#TheBachelorAU
As Jimmy starts to hand out the roses, Brooke becomes concerned. How dare he not call her name out first!? Doesn’t he know they’re married with 10 kids, living in the suburbs all in her head!?
Blasphemy.
The drama this The actual
— PUNKEE (@itspunkee) July 28, 2021
episode promised drama#TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/cJ23g7zz6h
He ends up calling Brooke’s name and she breathes a sigh of relief.
In the end, Chanel and Madison were sent home and I actually yelled at my television screen because HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO CHANEL!?
Chanel 🥺 #TheBachelorAU
— Abi (Taylor’s version) (@abilovestv) July 28, 2021
I will never forgive you, Jimmy.
Till next time.
The Bachelor Australia airs at 7.30pm Wednesday and Thursday on 10 and 10 Play.