How to Comfortably Masturbate When You Live With Your Parents
If you grew up with immigrant or first-gen parents, chances are masturbating wasn’t a topic that was ever covered at home. Let’s be real: most of us learned about sex-related things either at church or in school. Pastors, priests, and Sunday school teachers told us not to have it and health class educated us with the bare minimum. We got by with whatever our classmates or peers shared, none of which provided us much when it came to owning our personal pleasure or sexual power. In fact, if those aren’t words you normally associate with masturbation, then agárrate mija, cuz we need to have a conversation!
Speaking as a bruja, I can tell you that masturbating is a pretty powerful manifesting aid. Speaking as a person with anxiety, I can tell you it’s also an amazing tool for my personal wellness and stress management. Also, to be frank, quarantine was hard. Weed, HULU+, and masturbation were sometimes the very thin thread I was hanging on by, and I’m 100 percent certain I’m not alone.
When COVID, hit many of us found ourselves back in multigenerational households. But also if you’re Latina, chances are you never left in the first place. I broke up with my live-in boyfriend one month into quarantine and moved back home with my parents. I bought my first high-end, vibrator – the LELO Soraya 2 – and it was also the first time in my life I started to look at “alone time” as something I can do to connect with myself rather than something to do between partners. But trust me when I say, this came with a lot of self-exploration because after so many years being with one person, I realized that I didn’t even know what I really liked anymore.
There are so many layers when it comes to how Latinas even view their pleasure. Because pleasure isn’t even a word we are taught in regard to sex, many of us don’t necessarily associate touching our own selves as something positive. From a very young age, we are socialised to see sex as a “bad” or “dirty” act. Sexuality is something that we “give away” or something that causes us to lose our “purity.” It’s never about receiving, it’s never about autonomy, it’s never about what we want. This is especially the case when any form of sexual contact is either framed around making babies, pleasing your partner, or going straight to hell.
From a very young age, we are socialised to see sex as a “bad” or “dirty” act. Sexuality is something that we “give away” or something that causes us to lose our “purity.” It’s never about receiving, it’s never about autonomy, it’s never about what we want.
Sex educator Cindy Luquin says “shifting your mindset from seeing masturbation as negative to a positive might take some time, especially if you grew up in a Catholic household. There are so many myths still to this day, unfortunately,” she told POPSUGAR Latina. We should also remember that “masturbation has many health benefits that include stress relief, helping you learn about what you like or don’t like sexually, as well as releasing endorphins. Not to mention, it’s the safest way to prevent STIs and pregnancy.”
That being said, it can be hard to have these discoveries when you live at home and privacy is also an issue. But there are a few techniques you can use to make things go a little . . . smoother.
Create an Ambiance
Women, in particular, can find it hard to transition from working mode and life mode to sexy soft mode. Dipsea is an app that offers sexy audio stories with the purpose of helping listeners slip into their sexy. If porn is more your route, I’d suggest supporting sex-positive individual creators on platforms like OnlyFans rather than PornHub. Don’t forget to pop in your headphones!
Ask For Space
Asking for boundaries in a Latin household can be a lot like dismantling a landmine, so if that’s where you’re at, ignore this one. The most obvious option is asking for alone time. You don’t have to say “Papi, I need time to masturbate,” but asking for an hour of uninterrupted time is the most direct option. You can also begin making yourself aware of family members’ schedules, so you know when you won’t be interrupted. Also, if you have your own room, getting a lock on the door is essential.
Take It to the Shower
Another thing to try is making the most of shower time. The showerhead is your friend, and usually, people don’t bug you when you’re in there getting clean. Obviously, if you’re trying to catch a vibe, don’t do it if there’s a line for the shower. You can also masturbate pero make it self-care, by drawing a warm bath and introducing one of the many waterproof vibrator options that there are out there. Luquin recommends the Fin, which is discreet, waterproof, and easy to hold.
Wait For nighttime
Try to make the most of your alone time when everyone is asleep. The main challenge for nighttime masturbation is that sex toys can be pretty loud, and the last thing we need is for someone to come and investigate. Luckily, there are plenty of quiet vibrators, and Luquin had some suggestions. “The Bean is affordable for beginners and fits perfectly in your palm. The Vibe is a minimalist’s dream with its sleek look; plus, it’s latex-free for sensitive skin,” she said.