I’ll admit that when I was in my one-night-stand era, I wasn’t very good at safe sex. Part of me didn’t know how to ask someone to wear a condom, out of fear that they’d be turned off by me, but there was also a part of me that didn’t like the way they felt during sex either.
Don’t make my mistakes. Safe sex is the most important and we need to understand why it’s still so common for women to not feel the need to use condoms.
Recent research conducted by Moments Condoms, revealed that over one in ten Australian women aged between 18-28 reported that they don’t wear condoms because they don’t think they’re at risk of STI.
“Condoms are actually the only form of protection that effectively protect women against both unwanted pregnancies and STIs,” Couples Therapist and Sexologist, Isiah McKimmie, tells POPSUGAR Australia.
“It’s a fact! However, despite that, some people are still against wrapping their junk.”
Now, we can shake our heads all we want, but I’ll bet most of us have at least wanted to not use a condom during sex before. They can be a bit of a hassle, they can ruin the mood, they might be inconvenient or uncomfortable… Sex is a complicated thing as it is, without adding something else into the mix. However, safe sex is vital.
So, what are the most common excuses for not using a condom and how can we respond to them?
Couples Therapist and Sexologist, Isiah McKimmie, answers this burning question for us, with the five most common reasons to not wear a condom and how we can overcome them.
Excuse One: “It doesn’t feel as good.”
“This is probably the most common and overused excuse. To be fair, wearing a condom can in some cases reduce sensitivity. Additionally, if you’re not the quickest at putting on a condom, the stress in trying to get in it quickly can also cause a ‘dip’ in erection. However, that doesn’t happen to everyone, and even if it does, you can still have great and, most importantly, safe, sex with a condom on.
“We get it — condoms do reduce sensation a little, but overall, it’ll increase pleasure for both parties because it allows them to relax and get into the moment.
“If this is something you hear from your partner in the heat of the moment, suggest using a few drops of lube inside the tip of the condom before it goes on as that will help to increase sensation. Using an ultra-thin condom can also help as they are designed specifically to help to maximise sensations rather than restrict them.”
Excuse Two: “It’s uncomfortable.”
“Another popular excuse, but the truth is that sexually transmitted infections (or becoming pregnant) can cause a lot more discomfort. Therefore, this small drop in pleasure is a worthy sacrifice.
“It’s worth informing your sexual partner that it might feel a little uncomfortable now, but contracting an STI from each other, that we don’t know about, will feel a lot more uncomfortable later on.”
Excuse Three: “They don’t fit me.”
“Usually when a guy says this, he’s implying his penis is so large that condoms don’t fit — and it’s rarely true. The average condom can hold up to four litres of water, so a penis can definitely fit!”
“Condoms come in various sizes so there will be one that works. Recommend some trial and error to find the one that’s ‘just right’. If someone really does need the extra-large size, one would hope they would be gentlemanly enough to keep some on hand — it shows they care about their partners.”
Excuse Four: “But I’m clean!”
“STIs have what is known as a ‘window period’ which is a time from infection to when symptoms show or the infection shows up on a test. This means that someone can have an STI and not even realise. Sometimes STIs can be asymptomatic too, which means that they don’t have symptoms of the infection but can pass it on to others who will have symptoms.
“It may be tempting to respond to this excuse with ‘I’m clean too, I have a shower every morning.’ But the truth is anyone, including you or me, can have an STI without knowing it. If this excuse is used, be strong and state ‘I’m going to need you to wear a condom if we’re going to have sex’.”
Excuse Five: “I’ll put one on in a minute, just let me be inside you first.”
“This one often is often followed by ‘I won’t come inside you.’ Sometimes guys just don’t know when they’re about to ejaculate and it only takes a moment for you to catch a STI. You’re better off taking a moment to put on a condom and protect both of you.
“If this is used, respond with ‘It’s not worth taking the risk. It only takes a minute to transmit an infection. This is for your safety and mine.’
“At the end of the day, how someone responds to you for having or asking them to wear a condom, tells you a lot about that person. Don’t let anyone make you feel inferior for wanting to have fun while taking care of your body and your sexual health. Remember, if they’ve got an issue with you buying or using condoms, that’s on them not you.”
